[caption id="attachment_1263" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Smack Apparel illustration: Steve Hill.[/caption] We're not going to take sides, here. Stephen A. Smith really did nothing wrong when it came to reporting the "news" that Kevin Durant might -- or might not -- go to the Lakers if he can't work out a deal with Oklahoma City. But ... um. Then it got weird. And Stephen A. did what Stephen A. does ... he let his mouth run off and do its own thing. Which, in this case, was captured perfectly in a Deadspin piece from yesterday: Stephen A. Smith Delivers Movie Villain Monologue on First Take.
[caption id="attachment_1153" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Ugh. The Packers. Amirite?[/caption] This is a recurring Smack Zone educational series focused on assisting fans to take down their rivals in a sports bar argument. We've hit the Yankees and the Patriots so far. Today, we turn our attention to the arrogant, obtuse, beer-and-bratwurst-addled, loyal, friendly, passionate, and intelligent fan base of the Green Bay Packers. Wait, what? Yeah, we're a bit torn on this one. Read on for an explanation.
_____________________All right, it’s possible we’ve bitten off more cheddar here than we can chew. The Green Bay Packers are, after all, the Great American Sports Success Story. A little town at the mouth of the Fox River, perched on the lip of Lake Michigan, way up north in ‘Sconsin. A meat-packing town, a town of beer and bratwurst and large, Nordic traditions. Oh, by the way … Title Town. It’s true, you know. The Packers have won 15 league championships in their history, including 11 before the Super Bowl became the standard for greatness 50 years ago. And of course, there are those four Super Bowls – including the first two played. I mean, what can you say that’s bad about the Packers? The Packers are Lombardi, Starr, Favre, Reggie, Nitschke and Hornung. They are Lambeau Field, the Frozen Tundra, and tailgating for days. They are the little team that could in the little town that said, “You know what? We’re going to own this.” And they do own it – the public ownership structure of the Green Bay Packers is unique in major American sports. The people in the stands aren’t just fans, they’re team owners. Sort of. Green Bay is a real, nice place with real, nice people. A place where they love their football team so much, it’s more religion than sport. How can we possibly argue against that? Oh, I guess we’ll just have to give it our best shot, eh?
- We’ll start with what remains one of the creepiest celebrations in sports, made even worse by its adoption in those Discount Double Check commercials:
- It’s too damn cold. The average low temperature in Green Bay in January is 14. Enough said. [caption id="attachment_1156" align="aligncenter" width="300"] So, so cold. @Karen54301[/caption]
- Cheese clothes.
- Bratwurst kills. The average saturated fat content of an 85-gram bratwurst is 9 grams, 43 percent of the recommended daily intake of saturated fat. Furthermore, the average brat contains 65 milligrams of cholesterol and 720 milligrams of sodium. Basically, a bratwurst is an edible heart attack.
- “Binge drinking is a sport in Wisconsin.” – Former Brown County Sheriff’s Office patrol captain. This is a serious problem. Seriously: Binge Drinking in State Still Far Exceeds U.S. Average
- Anti-Packers Facebook pages also are a sport in Wisconsin: Green Bay Packers Suck, Anti-Green Bay Packers Memes, Official Anti-Green Bay Packers Fan Club.
Our #SmackZone Twitter party is tonight at 8 p.m. eastern time. We're fired up. So fired up, in fact, we got to thinking about our favorite sports-related Twitter accounts and decided to share a few. So, here (in no particular order) are 10 sports Twitter accounts that make us laugh or think or give us the info we need to help make the world a better place for smack talk:
- Darren Rovell (@DarrenRovell)
2. The Onion Sports Network (@OnionSports) Fake sports headlines from the folks who bring us so many great fake news headlines.
No matter how big the NFL is, nothing will ever match the pregame energy of a big time college football game— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) September 8, 2015
3. Caitlin Kelly (@atotalmonet) Managing editor of Vice Sports, living the life and tweeting about it.
Tom Brady Haunted By Destroyed Cell Phone Ringing Beneath Floorboards pic.twitter.com/Priyoe8Elb— Onion Sports Network (@OnionSports) September 4, 2015
4. Men in Blazers (@MenInBlazers) Funny commentary on soccer. Trust us.
Update: successfully convinced bar that Boston baseball is trash and again basking in the warm glow of Serena tennis ???— Caitlin Kelly (@atotalmonet) September 5, 2015
5. PFT Commenter (@PFTCommenter) Hard to explain, actually. Sort of a cross between Borat and that guy in your dorm who is ALWAYS drunk and photo bombs EVERY shot.
Farewell to Seersucker #SadNap— Men in Blazers (@MenInBlazers) September 7, 2015
6. Tim Burke, Deadspin (@BubbaProg) The GIF and still photo master lives right in Smack Apparel's back yard. He watches it all, so we don't have to.
Braxton Miller keeps spinning like that he'll soon be to dizzy to run at all. Bad coaching.— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) September 8, 2015
8. The Fake ESPN -- parody (@TheFakeEspn) Not-real headlines from a not-real Entertainment and Sports Programming Network.
My response to Roger Goodell upholding my four-game suspension. https://t.co/VcpqcRBlgq— Tom Brady's Ego (@TomBradysEgo) July 28, 2015
9. Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) Digital life from the perspective of an 1800s Hall of Fame pitcher. Did you know this guy won FIFTY-NINE (59) games for the Providence Grays in 1884?
BREAKING: RGIII reduced to RGI.5 for quick sale.— The Fake ESPN (@TheFakeESPN) September 2, 2015
10. Pretend Lou Holtz -- parody (@PretendLouHoltz) Cutting-edge commentary from someone other than the former Notre Dame national champion and ESPN Game Day talker.
Actually, it's the next 180 innings that are tough.— Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) September 5, 2015
The Buckeyesh have sho many quartherbaths they thurn them into wide resheeversh and shtill make them shtars .. ITSH NOTH THAIR!— Lou Holtz (@PretendLouHoltz) September 8, 2015
Oh, and don't forget to follow us at @SmackApparel. Join us tonight to celebrate the beginning of football season and the launch of this-here blog. Use the hashtag #SmackZone and maybe you'll win some Smack Apparel merchandise. BE THERE.