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      The Parcells Effect

      [caption id="attachment_1209" align="alignright" width="300"]Parcells Little-known fact: In 1978, Bill Parcells helped shape young military minds as the head coach of the falconing team at the Air Force Academy.[/caption] By Erez Ladetzky, Smack Zone Contributor The Giants meet the Bills Sunday in Buffalo. Twenty-five years ago, these two teams squared off in Tampa for an epic Super Bowl XXV. We hear Scott Norwood still can’t find a house anywhere in Buffalo. With the game this weekend, we thought it would be fun to stroll down memory lane and take a look at the career of Bill Parcells and his historical impact on pro football.

      1. The Big Tuna -- if this isn’t the best nickname in football, we don’t know what is. He received this name while he was on the staff with the Patriots, because, well ... he had the shape of a tuna. The nickname has stuck ever since, and has become a household name over the years.
      2. Gatorade bath -- when a team wins a big game, either a championship or a massive come from behind win, the players usually dump the Gatorade cooler all over their coach. Bill Parcells was the very first coach to have that happen (yes, we know some claim that Mike Ditka was first in 1984, but we choose to believe that Parcells got it first a few weeks before that. Besides, Harry Carson made it famous two years later, so Tuna owns it). Clearly, Parcells is the ultimate trend setter for coaches. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtODeVwJ0XY] 3. Legendary coaching tree -- Parcells recruited so many great coaches under him, many are now head coaches in the NFL. The tree includes Bill Belichick, Tom Coughlin, Sean Payton, Todd Bowles and Mike Zimmer. Belichick, Coughlin and Payton have all won Super Bowls as head coaches. If it weren’t for Parcells, Belichick might not even know how to spy or oversee the proper deflation of footballs. [caption id="attachment_1213" align="alignleft" width="283"]Parcells celebrates victory in Tampa at Super Bowl XXV. Parcells celebrates victory in Tampa at Super Bowl XXV.[/caption] 4. Impact of a team he never coached -- we all know the effect he had on the Giants, Patriots, Jets and Cowboys. But what about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? He had an agreement to become their coach in 1992, but then decided it wasn’t right for him. Although Tampa has won a Super Bowl since, this franchise has mostly been at the bottom of the league. Who knows where they would be right now if the Big Tuna decided to make landfall in the Bay area? (Oh, and bonus what if: Remember when Payton was suspended for that whole Saints season after Bountygate? Guess who he wanted to coach the team in his absence. Yep. Tuna.)

      The Greatest Question of the Age

      [caption id="attachment_1204" align="aligncenter" width="800"]We can't decide. You? We can't decide. You?[/caption] Meh. It's probably six of one, half-a-dozen of the other. While you contemplate the implications, why not give our weekly football picks contest a try? Enter for a chance to win Smack Apparel merch. Click here to register and record your picks.

      NFL Coaching Hot Seat: Why Wait? Fire Them All NOW

      The Monday after the final regular season games in the NFL is known as “Black Monday.” It’s the day owners decide to fire coaches and go in a different direction. We are three weeks into the season, but we can already tell which coaches are on the hot seat and might face the dreaded Black Monday conversation unless they get their crap together soon. Here is our list:

      1. Joe Philbin, Miami Dolphins – the Dolphins made the biggest splash in free agency this year, signing Ndamukong Suh and had many believing they would get over the hump after back to back 8-8 seasons. Man we are so dumb! Miami has looked lackluster to say the least so far and are starring 1-3 in the face after they take on the Jets in London this Sunday. Miami is choking at the beginning of the season rather than the end but Philbin’s fate might already be sealed. If Miami continues to look so unprepared, there will be a change in South Beach.
      2. Mike McCoy, San Diego Chargers – San Diego hasn’t made the playoffs since 2009, which is a surprise because they have a roster that is capable of a playoff run, led by franchise QB Philip Rivers. The Chargers are off to another slow start at 1-2, and if they miss out on the playoffs in a weak AFC so far, McCoy could be on his way out.
      3. Chip Kelly, Philadelphia Eagles – Kelly requested full control of the roster and was granted that in the off-season. All he has done since he got to town is get rid of star players such as DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin, LeSean McCoy and Trent Cole. What could possibly go wrong with that? Philly hasn’t looked good so far this season and if it doesn’t turn around quickly in a very winnable NFC East, this roster could be blown up and start from scratch without Kelly leading the way. Kelly is learning the hard way this is a player’s league, not a coach’s.
      4. Mike Pettine, Cleveland Browns – Pettine is only in his second year in Cleveland, but there have been numerous controversies surrounding the team since he took over. Most people know about “text gate” when front office executives were texting coaches what to do during games. Because if anyone knows what play to call it’s a Cleveland front office suit. Pettine has chosen to stick with Josh McCown at QB instead of fan favorite Johnny Football. Maybe he is taking a page out of Tampa’s book and starting McCown to get the No. 1 pick and select Jeff Goff? If Cleveland doesn’t show improvement this year, a new coaching staff could come in and try and right the ship.
      5. Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars – Bradley is in his third season in Jacksonville, and has won a combined eight games so far. That’s right, eight games including one this year in over two seasons! They have made solid FA signings and drafted very well, including franchise QB Blake Bortles and stud WR Allen Robinson. However, if they can’t win more than four games what good is that? Bradley might need to win at least seven games this year to save his job.

      Welcome to Cristiano World: the Most Ludicrous Place on Earth

      OK, it’s soccer. It’s the MLS. WHO CARES, right? Well, if Orlando City owner Flavio Augusto Da Silva has his way, a great many humans will care a great deal soon. A very great many humans. And a very great deal. Mr. Da Silva told the Spanish-language, Real Madrid-focused publication Marca that … (Hang on. Bear with us. This is tough to even think about, let alone write. It’s so damn ludicrous.) Da Silva, who already signed Brazilian semi-retiree Kaka this past season, now has his sights set on … (No, really. We thought this was from Onion Sports when we saw it. It’s THAT freaking ridiculous.) Cristiano Ronaldo. [caption id="attachment_1195" align="aligncenter" width="474"]I am Cristiano. Everybody who is not Cristiano sucks. That is right. You, too. Yes, you. You suck. Because you are not Cristiano. I am Cristiano. Everybody who is not Cristiano sucks. That is right. You, too. Yes, you. You suck. Because you are not Cristiano. Only I am Cristiano.[/caption] “Hopefully, we can sign him for this upcoming season,” Da Silva told Marca. “We’ve always heard that he’d like to come to the United States to play.” In other transfer news, we’re hearing the Laredo Lemurs, defending champions of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball, are trying to work a deal for Mike Trout. [caption id="attachment_1196" align="alignleft" width="261"]Where else are you going to see a Laredo Lemurs logo today? And it's on a post about Cristiano Ronaldo. Life, man. You just never know. Where else are you going to see a Laredo Lemurs logo today? And it's on a post about Cristiano Ronaldo. Life, man. You just never know.[/caption] Also? The CFL’s Montreal Alouettes are all hot-n-bothered with Tom Brady and will submit a transfer bid to New England in January. Oh, and the Manchester Magic of the English Professional Basketball League? Yep. They want Lebron. All right. Let’s say Da Silva isn’t living in a dream world. After all, David Beckham came to America and blah blah blah. It’s SOCCER! WHO CARES?? WHY ARE WE EVEN WRITING THIS?? Still, though. What if Da Silva really believes what he’s saying and he’s not just having a go at the good people of Madrid? Let’s figure out what it might take to get the best soccer player of the 21st century into Orlando City purple next season. A cash bid would start – start – at $100 million. That’s just to buy the right to negotiate a contract with Ronaldo. That’s pocket change for Real Madrid, which splashed out far more than that for former Tottenham Hotspur winger Gareth Bale two years ago. But, as we say, $100 million is just a start. We’re thinking Da Silva will need to sweeten the deal. Let’s throw in, we don’t know … lifetime passes to Walt Disney World for every Real Madrid season ticket holder? Oh, and instead of Orlando City, the team will now be called Ronaldo City. In fact, the city of Orlando will now be called the city of Ronaldo. OK, that’s the transfer fee settled. Now, about Cristiano’s salary … NOPE. That’s all we’re writing about soccer for today. What time do Pittsburgh and Baltimore kick off?

      The REAL Subway Series

      Chances are, the Yankees and Mets aren't going to meet in the World Series. OK, sure. It's possible. IF the Yankees win the one-game wild-card play-in; IF the Mets get more than one game a series out of physically limited ace Matt Harvey; IF the Yankees don't get stomped by the much, MUCH better teams in the AL bracket ... OK. Maybe the traditional Subway Series is still a mathematical possibility. (Not happening.) Regardless, the REAL Subway Series took place today on Twitter, and New York beat the living hell out of L.A. In case you missed it, here's the ugliest case of mass transit system-on-mass transit system verbal violence in recent memory, tweet by tweet: From L.A., with love:

      From NYC, only mildly annoyed but bringing it strong: L.A. tried. Really, it did: But this is New York. No contest. They're still going at it, looks like, and maybe some pizza or something is on the line. Anyway. The Long Island Railroad clearly has a dog in this fight. Hence ...