Smack Zone — Smack Apparel

By Erez Ladetzky, Smack Zone Contributor Football season is in full swing. With it, naturally, comes a lot of gambling. Most of the time, that’s good news for Las Vegas. Except, as happened in the opening week, all of the heavy favorites cover the spread. Whoops: Worst ever loss for Vegas on an opening weekend. On the other hand, when the house loses, the people win. Easy, right? Break out the bankroll and go get rich! Not so fast, my friends. Remember the old gambler’s saying: Live by the spread, die by the survival pool. (What? It’s a saying. All right, I made it up. But it's a saying now. Shut up.) One way to have an entertaining football season is to, as I mentioned in that old saying I totally just made up, join a survivor pool. Here’s how it works: Each week you pick a team to win. If that team wins, you survive to the pick again the following week. If they lose, you are eliminated, and you must walk the Fan Duel Walk of Shame. This whole survivor pool thing sounds a lot easier than it actually is. I have been participating in one for the past six years. The rules of my survivor pool of choice say that every week there are restricted teams that you are not allowed to select. For the first three weeks, the two most favored teams that week are banned. In weeks four-six, the top three most favored teams are restricted. And so on.  There were more 14,000 entries this season, and after week two, that number dwindled to just more than 3,000. You read that right: After two weeks, ELEVEN THOUSAND entries had gone up in smoke. Picking any team to win sounds easy enough, until we get to game time. Then? Anything can happen. Just ask the St. Louis Rams, Miami Dolphins, and Baltimore Ravens. These three teams were the heavy picks this week, and all of them lost. BOOM. One so-so week for Nick Foles, one fluke game for the Jaguars, and one frankly strange day for the Oakland Raiders, and your survivor pool is shot. And it could have been worse: In our pool, the Saints were heavily favored against the Bucs and were therefore restricted. Imagine if they had been available to select – NO ONE WOULD HAVE SURVIVED. Here’s the point: No matter how much of a lock you think you have, you just never know. That is why the game is played on the field and not on paper. I’ll leave you all with this fun fact, especially for all you stat nerds out there. Sunday was the first time that Cleveland, Jacksonville, Tampa and Oakland all won on the same day since November of 2007! Let that sink in, and proceed with caution in what’s left of your survivor pools. Speaking of winning stuff ... The Smack Apparel weekly PICKS CONTEST IS LIVE!!!!!! Go to the PICKS CONTEST website at this link: Smack Apparel Contest.  Log in or register on the site, then make your picks. Share it on Twitter and Facebook, and dare your friends to try to beat you. First place winner each week receives three Smack Apparel t-shirts. Runner-up receives one Smack Apparel t-shirt. Check back each week for your chance to win! Good luck!  

[caption id="attachment_1051" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Smack Apparel offers heartfelt condolences to the family of the late Yogi Berra and Yankees fans everywhere. Everybody loved Yogi, and we always will.[/caption] Yogi Berra is gone. Baseball's most lovable quote master died overnight at age 90. We at Smack Apparel have always had a special place in our hearts for the Yankees Hall of Famer. We created our tribute shirt to Yogi out of love for his creativity and originality. You'll hear and read a lot of stories today about Yogi. That's what baseball is about, ultimately -- story telling. It's why the game remains such an important and vital part of our national culture. Because who doesn't love a good story? And who was a better subject than Yogi? Here's one told almost a quarter-century ago by then-Reds Manager Lou Piniella during a warm spring training morning in Plant City. Yogi and Lou and others were out for dinner in the city. They went to a great pizza joint they all knew and enjoyed. When the waiter came to take their order, Yogi turned to him and asked, "How many slices are in a large pie?" "We can slice it any way you like," the waiter said. "Four, six, eight. It's up to you." Yogi nodded and thought about it for a second. "You better make it four," he said. "I'm not that hungry." RIP, No. 8. You were one of the greats, and you will never be forgotten.  

[caption id="attachment_853" align="alignright" width="300"] You actually can't win an argument against a Patriots fan, because they no longer have a firm grasp on reality.[/caption] (Note: This is part of a recurring series that launched with the Yankees last week. This week, it's New England's turn in the Smack Zone. We still love you, Pats fans!) First, let's be clear: There is no way to win an argument with a New England Patriots fan. The arrogance runs too deep. True minions of Brady and Belichick no longer are capable of humility or rational thought -- of any kind. They are as intractable as a field of volcanic rock, as aloof and unapproachable as an Apple store employee five minutes away from a smoke break. Patriots fans simply can't be wrong. For evidence of their innate superiority, they unveil four compelling exhibits: Super Bowl XXXVI. Super Bowl XXXVIII. Super Bowl XXXIX. Super Bowl XLIX. OK. Championship caliber franchise. Got it. No one is saying New England hasn't gotten extremely proficient over the years at acquiring hardware. [caption id="attachment_1038" align="alignleft" width="300"] Played memes are played, but sometimes the only way to get through to myopic Patriots fans is to say it as slowly and simply as possible. Small words, y'all.[/caption] Yet, their very success reveals their weakness. How? Two main things to remember when attempting to take a Patriots fan down a notch. One: They cheated. Two: Their fans respond to success with all the grace of a pack of hyenas, bellowing with frustration that the world is against them. By the way: They're right about that. The world IS against them. There's a history here, of course. Patriots fans are what Red Sox fans become during the long, cold New England winters. Take all those years of Fenway bitterness, add an unhealthy dose of sub-freezing and ice-encased fury, toss in years of obviously tainted victory and voila: Patriots fan. All right. We've established that they are insufferable and deluded. They don't care what you think. Still, even the most rabid Patriots fan has no comeback for these two bits of unassailable history: One: The Patriots are Eli Manning's Super Bowl squeak toy. Two: Aaron Hernandez murdered a dude while he was an active, productive and well-loved member of the New England Patriots family. To expound a bit on Eli: If the younger Manning brother ever joins brother Peyton in the hallowed halls of Canton one day, it will be as a direct result of his and the Giants' mastery of the Patriots in not one, but two Super Bowls. Without the Patriots, Eli Manning would be in the career neighborhood of Dave Krieg and (hey!) Drew Bledsoe. Good QBs in their day, but hardly Canton fodder. Thanks to the Patriots, Eli is a virtual lock for the Hall of Fame. (Yes, we're aware that you have to get to the Super Bowl to lose in the Super Bowl, but Patriots fans are the first to define themselves in terms of championships. Runner-up is FIRST LOSER.) As for Hernandez ... well, to their credit, even though they knew Hernandez had issues, at least the Patriots didn't wait until he had been convicted before cutting ties. And owner Robert Kraft testified for the prosecution in Hernandez's trial. That said, YOUR TIGHT END MURDERED A DUDE IN COLD BLOOD. A guy Patriots fans cheered with all their collective heart on Sundays turned out to be a stone, cold killer. How's that taste, Pats fan? (Editors note: They still don't care.) Then there are the Twin Gates: Spy- and Deflate-. Look, we're not going to rehash those infamous instances of cheating here. Besides, Patriots fans are so deep in denial that many of them won't even acknowledge the wrongdoing by Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. Those who do acknowledge it are sitting in their easy chairs with their fingers in their ears saying, "LA LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear you! LA LA LA LA LA LA! Brady is God! LA LA LA LA! Not listening! Not listening!" Sigh. OK. At this point, there is no shame in admitting defeat. Those four Super Bowl rings are tough to argue against -- legit or not. Winning an argument against a New England Patriots fan must be accomplished in small increments. As they bellow about Brady and Goodell and the God-awful Wells report; as they name their children after Tom Brady and their Great Danes after Gronk; as they wallow in their us-against-the-world self pity, go exercise a form of civil disobedience by sharing something funny from the Twitter account for Tom Brady's Ego. It's a parody account, but humor often reveals truth. And the truth is, perhaps the best way to win an argument with a New England Patriots fan is to ignore him. Case closed. Next week: How to win an argument with a Green Bay Packers fan.    

[caption id="attachment_1030" align="aligncenter" width="474"] After a big victory against Tulsa, Oklahoma is 3-0 and rolling, and just might be poised to bounce back from last year's fourth-place finish in the Big 12. Illustration: Steve Hill.[/caption] It's just one loss. These days in college football, one loss does not a season end. Yet, dropping one at home against Ole Miss Saturday was troubling if you're an Alabama fan. Not since 1988 had the Rebels defeated the Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa -- and this was only their second victory there ever. Also, this: Never before had 'Bama lost to Ole Miss in consecutive seasons. So, where does this leave Nick Saban's men in their quest for a national title? For now, it leaves Alabama ranked 12th in the Associated Press poll, which means virtually nothing but is the best gauge we have for the time being. Three games in, Alabama finds itself looking up at Ohio State, Michigan State, TCU, Notre Dame, LSU, Baylor, Georgia, UCLA, Clemson and FSU. And of course, Ole Miss. Now, there are future losses to be found among those 11 teams. Bama can take care of LSU and Georgia itself. Baylor and TCU play in November, as do Ohio State and Michigan. Bottom line: As embarrassing as it was to drop one at home against Ole Miss, it would be a HUGE mistake to go to sleep on Saban's team the rest of the way. Would anyone really be shocked to see them right there in the Final Four at the end of the year? Nope. Not a bit. Oh, no! Romo! Who would you rather be in the NFC East this morning? The 0-2 Giants and Eagles, scuffling, but with relatively few injury issues? Or the 2-0 Cowboys, facing the prospect of moving ahead without quarterback Tony Romo (broken collarbone, out 8-10 weeks) and receiver Dez Bryant (broken foot, out indefinitely)? Oh, and before you answer, keep in mind that Dallas backup quarterback Brandon Weeden will be relying on banged up tight end Jason Witten (sprained ankles, sprained knee). OK, considering how hapless the Giants and Eagles have looked so far, you'd take the 2-0 and take your chances with Weeden and a Cowboys run defense that held former teammate DeMarco Murray to two years on 13 carries Sunday. Still, this division suddenly is wide open, and even Washington -- which is the only other team with a victory so far -- might be right in the thick of it. The Yankees are still here It looks like the Blue Jays might have the AL East well in hand. It has done since the trade deadline, actually. They made by far the best moves in the division, and they made the Yankees look old, slow and old. Also, old. A 2.5-game lead is not a lock, though. There's still plenty of baseball to play. The Yankees might bear watching, after all. This is especially true if the AL Wildcard leaders can get the kind of pitching performances from former ace C.C. Sabathia that they got Sunday against the Mets. Sabathia has allowed one earned run against the Mets and Rays in 12.2 innings in his last two starts. That doesn't mean the big man is back, necessarily, but it might mean that New York could be poised to make one, last push at the Jays before settling for the one-game wildcard playoff. Sabathia reportedly has a new knee brace to thank for his recent success. Since returning three starts ago with his new brace, his ERA is 1.04. The Sooners are back, baby ... maybe Oklahoma was a non-factor in last year's first college football playoff season, which had to stick in the Sooners' collective craw. After thumping Tulsa this past weekend, 52-38, Coach Bob Stoops' crew appears to be ready to bounce back from last year's 8-5 disappointment -- which ended with an embarrassing 40-6 loss to Clemson in the Russell Athletic Bowl. Last year's fourth-place finish was Stoops' lowest in the conference since taking over the program in 1999. A 3-0 start with victories against Akron, No. 24 Tennessee and Tulsa might not seem like something to get wild about, and yes -- the Sooners started last year 4-0 before stumbling. But with no ranked opponents on the schedule until Baylor on Nov. 14, Oklahoma has plenty of time to build confidence behind quarterback Baker Mayfield -- who set a school record with 572 total yards Saturday in his third start for the Sooners. Jameis Winston ... Hall of Famer? From first-round bust to Hall of Famer in one week. That's the story of Bucs quarterback Jameis Winston so far. Witness this quote from Tampa Bay receiver Louis Murphy after Winston's solid performance in Sunday's victory at New Orleans: "He's going to have a great career," Murphy told Fox Sports. "He'll do great things, set records, and I believe he's going to be a Hall of Fame player. You can't put the carriage before the horse. He'll be fine." We'll just let that quote dangle out there for now.  

[caption id="attachment_1013" align="alignright" width="204"] Today marks the 54th anniversary of the Minnesota Vikings' first game. Happy birthday, Vikings. Maybe one day you'll clutch the Lombardi Trophy. Until then, there's always beer.[/caption] By Bob D'Angelo, Smack Zone Contributor What will a Minnesota Vikings fan do after his team wins the Super Bowl? He’ll turn off his PlayStation 4. That joke might seem harsh, but a Vikings’ Super Bowl victory still remains elusive. Despite 27 playoff appearances, 18 division titles, nine conference final appearances, four conference titles, an NFL title and four Super Bowl appearances, the Vikings’ trophy case still lacks a Vince Lombardi Trophy. Even though they have won plenty of games, have scores of memorable moments and are well represented in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, the Vikings have shown a penchant for weird safeties, bizarre finishes and heartbreaking losses, too. But oh, what a debut. On September 17, 1961, rookie quarterback Fran Tarkenton came off the bench, threw four touchdowns and ran for another as the Vikings stunned the Chicago Bears 37-13. A rookie throwing four touchdowns in his team’s opening game wouldn’t happen again until last Sunday, when Tennessee’s Marcus Mariota threw four — in the first half! — against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Tarkenton’s performance might have been 1961’s highlight. First-year coach Norm Van Brocklin lamented that he had “36 stiffs,” a blunt yet astute observation that was borne out by a 3-11 record. ‘The Most Interesting Thing’ Even great players blundered. Future Hall of Famer Jim Marshall scooped up a Billy Kilmer fumble in an October 24, 1964, game against the 49ers and ran 66 yards — the wrong way. Marshall reached the end zone and tossed the ball, giving the 49ers a safety. Van Brocklin reportedly told the embarrassed Marshall that he “did the most interesting thing in this game today.” Marshall redeemed himself later. His sack caused a fumble that teammate Carl Eller returned for a touchdown, giving Minnesota a 27-22 victory. That helped Minnesota to its first winning season, an 8-5-1 mark. Speaking of safeties, the Vikings allowed the first one in Super Bowl history. In Super Bowl IX, Dave Osborn fumbled and Tarkenton covered the ball in the end zone, with Pittsburgh’s Dwight White getting credit for the tackle.  That gave the Steelers a 2-0 lead, and they would win the game 16-6. On November 5, 1989, the Vikings beat the Los Angeles Rams 23-21 at the Metrodome. Minnesota got seven field goals from Rich Karlis and won in overtime when Mike Merriweather blocked a Rams' punt that went out of the end zone for a safety. ‘A Terrible Waste’ [caption id="attachment_1014" align="alignleft" width="265"] They haven't won a Super Bowl, but the Vikings don't lack for rivals.[/caption] The Vikings were on the wrong end of the most famous Hail Mary pass in NFL history. On December 28, 1975, in a first-round playoff game at Metropolitan Stadium, Minnesota led Dallas 14-10 with 32 seconds left and the Cowboys at midfield. Roger Staubach underthrew a pass to Drew Pearson, who pushed off Vikings safety Nate Wright, caught the ball on his hip and scored with 24 seconds to play. No flag was thrown. The best throw — and most unfortunate one — came moments later, when a fan hurled a full bottle of Jack Daniel’s and hit field judge Armen Terzian, the official who was closest to the controversial play, in the back of the head, knocking him unconscious. A shameful act — and a terrible waste of good liquor. More tragically for Tarkenton, his father, Rev. Dallas M. Tarkenton Sr., suffered a heart attack during the third quarter while watching the game on television at his Savannah, Georgia, home. The elder Tarkenton lost consciousness and died that day. Not everything has been dark for the Vikings. Tarkenton, the league MVP during that ill-fated 1975 season, became the first Minnesota player elected to the Hall of Fame, getting the call in 1986. He retired as the NFL’s all-time leader in passing yardage (47,003), completions (3,686) and touchdown passes (342). ‘Purple People Eaters’ The Vikings had one of the top defenses in the NFL during the late 1960s and 1970s — the “Purple People Eaters.” Marshall, Eller, Alan Page and Gary Larson helped the Vikings reach three Super Bowls in four seasons. Marshall, Eller and Page all were inducted into the Hall of Fame.  In 1971, Page became the first defensive player to be named the league’s MVP. On Thanksgiving Day in 1969 against Detroit at Tiger Stadium, Marshall and Page used deft teamwork for a defensive touchdown. Page tipped a Greg Landry pass that Marshall intercepted. As Marshall was being tackled, he lateraled to Page, who completed the return for a touchdown, giving Minnesota a 24-0 lead; the Vikings won, 27-0. [caption id="attachment_1015" align="alignright" width="165"] The Vikings don't always win the Super Bowl, but ... wait. The Vikings NEVER win the Super Bowl. Stay hungry, my friends.[/caption] To prove that wasn’t a fluke, Marshall showcased his lateraling skills in 1970 against the Kansas City Chiefs. It was a Super Bowl IV rematch — the heavily favored Vikings were shocked by the Chiefs in the final NFL-AFL Super Bowl several months earlier — Marshall recovered a fumble, then lateraled to Roy Winston, who completed the 36-yard touchdown play. That gave the Vikings a 10-0 lead, and Minnesota won, 27-10. The Vikings even have their own version of a Hail Mary pass — the “Miracle at the Met.” On December 14, 1980, the Vikings trailed the Cleveland Browns by a point with 14 seconds left. Tommy Kramer got the Vikings to the Cleveland 46 thanks to a hook-and-lateral play. Kramer then tossed a desperation pass as time expired. Three Browns leaped for the ball, but tipped it to Vikings receiver Ahmad Rashad, who caught the pass and backpedaled across the goal line for the game-winning score in a 28-23 victory that clinched an NFC Central title for Minnesota. ‘Oh-and-Four’ The Vikings have a Hall of Fame coach, Bud Grant, who led the team to four Super Bowl appearances. That first Super Bowl loss was considered an upset, but the Vikings were underdogs when they lost Super Bowl VIII (to Miami), IX (to Pittsburgh) and XI (t0 Oakland). Center Mick Tinglehoff became the latest Viking inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame when he was enshrined in August. He joins Tarkenton, Page, Grant, Marshall, Eller, Paul Krause, former GM Jim Finks, Ron Yary, Randall McDaniel, John Randle, Chris Doleman and Cris Carter. Running back Adrian Peterson had a monumental season in 2012, rushing for 2,097 yards — the second best rushing season in NFL history behind Eric Dickerson’s 2,105 yards in 1984. In 2009, longtime Vikings nemesis Brett Favre joined Minnesota and threw for 4,202 yards and 33 touchdowns. For added measure, he beat his former team — the Green Bay Packers — twice that year, including a four-touchdown masterpiece at Lambeau Field. ‘An Amazing Dream’ Still, Vikings fans dwell on the what-could-have been scenarios. The 1998 squad went 15-1 during the regular season (losing only to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers), crushed Arizona in the divisional round but lost 30-27 in overtime to Atlanta in the NFC Championship Game. Gary Anderson missed his first field goal attempt of the season, a 38-yarder, late in the fourth quarter. The Falcons tied the game in the final minute and won with 11:52 left in OT Morten Anderson’s 38-yard field goal. The 2009 team also lost an NFC title game in overtime, falling 31-28 to New Orleans at the Superdome despite three touchdowns by Adrian Peterson. Favre’s interception late in the fourth quarter helped send the game to overtime. Not a laughing matter, but Vikings jokes still flourish. What did the Vikings fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? “Why did you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!”