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      Celebrate! (For tomorrow, most of you will lose)

      Is there anything in sports more fleeting than the thrill of a post-clinch celebration in baseball? The players deserve it. That's for damn sure. Baseball season is ridiculously long, ridiculously grueling. It's a lifetime of frustration and heartache and sleepless nights and general bullshittery compacted into a horrible, emotionally draining six-month period. That's how it is for the WINNING teams. So, sure. When you clinch that playoff check, go crazy. Let the beer and champagne flow. This game's fun. Let's have fun out here, OK? It's fun, God dammit. Just understand this: Pretty soon, almost every one of you will be crying into that beer. Or, if not crying, punching the hell out of your locker after you get your asses run out of the playoffs just. Like. That. It's quick, man. One minute, you're on top of the baseball world. Just look at A-Rod in that embedded SportsCenter tweet up there. Doesn't he look happy? Doesn't he look cold? Well, pretty soon, chances are he and his Yankees teammates will not be happy. And they won't be cold, because they'll be on vacation on some beach somewhere in Mexico or the Caribbean. Or Hawaii. Vegas, maybe. Wherever. Where they won't be is in the World Series, probably. Because that? That is hard. Only one team will get to throw that party in early November or late October or Christmas, or whenever the hell the World Series ends these days. That's next week's bad news, though. Today is for the happy. Let's give these guys room to celebrate, if only for a little while. Here, then, is a compendium of post-clinch celebrations so far. We still have two more coming, because someone is going to win the AL West, and someone is going to clinch the second AL wildcard. Here's what we've got going into the weekend, though. It will have to suffice for most of them. Who do you think did it best this year? Mets, NL East: Michael Conforto's celebration POV is epic on Deadspin. Cardinals, NL Central: Just like St. Louis, the Cardinals celebrate NIIIIICE. Dodgers, NL West: L.A. got to rub it into the World Series champions and HATED rivals, the Giants, by clinching and celebrating in San Francisco. Doesn't get much sweeter. Cubs, NL wildcard: With Jake Arrieta pitching against the Pirates in the wildcard play-in game, we get the feeling the Cubs will live to celebrate once more. Pirates, NL wildcard: We are family! (For one more game only. Sorry, Buccos. Two words: Jake. Joe. Two more words: Good. Bye.) Royals, AL Central: Party like it's 1985! Blue Jays, AL East: Good party, eh? Munenori Kawasaki thought so. Yankees, AL wildcard: Yay. We won.      

      The Parcells Effect

      [caption id="attachment_1209" align="alignright" width="300"]Parcells Little-known fact: In 1978, Bill Parcells helped shape young military minds as the head coach of the falconing team at the Air Force Academy.[/caption] By Erez Ladetzky, Smack Zone Contributor The Giants meet the Bills Sunday in Buffalo. Twenty-five years ago, these two teams squared off in Tampa for an epic Super Bowl XXV. We hear Scott Norwood still can’t find a house anywhere in Buffalo. With the game this weekend, we thought it would be fun to stroll down memory lane and take a look at the career of Bill Parcells and his historical impact on pro football.

      1. The Big Tuna -- if this isn’t the best nickname in football, we don’t know what is. He received this name while he was on the staff with the Patriots, because, well ... he had the shape of a tuna. The nickname has stuck ever since, and has become a household name over the years.
      2. Gatorade bath -- when a team wins a big game, either a championship or a massive come from behind win, the players usually dump the Gatorade cooler all over their coach. Bill Parcells was the very first coach to have that happen (yes, we know some claim that Mike Ditka was first in 1984, but we choose to believe that Parcells got it first a few weeks before that. Besides, Harry Carson made it famous two years later, so Tuna owns it). Clearly, Parcells is the ultimate trend setter for coaches. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtODeVwJ0XY] 3. Legendary coaching tree -- Parcells recruited so many great coaches under him, many are now head coaches in the NFL. The tree includes Bill Belichick, Tom Coughlin, Sean Payton, Todd Bowles and Mike Zimmer. Belichick, Coughlin and Payton have all won Super Bowls as head coaches. If it weren’t for Parcells, Belichick might not even know how to spy or oversee the proper deflation of footballs. [caption id="attachment_1213" align="alignleft" width="283"]Parcells celebrates victory in Tampa at Super Bowl XXV. Parcells celebrates victory in Tampa at Super Bowl XXV.[/caption] 4. Impact of a team he never coached -- we all know the effect he had on the Giants, Patriots, Jets and Cowboys. But what about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? He had an agreement to become their coach in 1992, but then decided it wasn’t right for him. Although Tampa has won a Super Bowl since, this franchise has mostly been at the bottom of the league. Who knows where they would be right now if the Big Tuna decided to make landfall in the Bay area? (Oh, and bonus what if: Remember when Payton was suspended for that whole Saints season after Bountygate? Guess who he wanted to coach the team in his absence. Yep. Tuna.)

      The Greatest Question of the Age

      [caption id="attachment_1204" align="aligncenter" width="800"]We can't decide. You? We can't decide. You?[/caption] Meh. It's probably six of one, half-a-dozen of the other. While you contemplate the implications, why not give our weekly football picks contest a try? Enter for a chance to win Smack Apparel merch. Click here to register and record your picks.

      Great Moments in Stupid Sports Question History

      Today is Ask a Stupid Question Day. We know. It’s a stupid holiday. But hey, America! Actually, it was created in the 1980s by teachers to encourage more kids to ask questions in class. (So, it’s legit. Bet you feel bad for talking smack about it. Ha! Who’s stupid now? Huh? Don’t answer that.) The actual Ask a Stupid Question Day is supposed to be on Sept. 28, but they celebrate it on the final school day of September. Again, that seems kind of stupid. What was wrong with Sept. 28? It was a perfectly good Monday. Why do you hate Mondays, America? Don’t answer that. Anyway, sports and stupid questions go together like coffee and cream, like white on rice, like cold on ice. The two weeks of hype leading up to the Super Bowl are fertile ground for stupid questions. It most infamously gave us the twisted tale of the guy who supposedly asked Doug Williams how long he had been a black quarterback (or did it? Here’s the actual story in Snopes). But sports reporters don’t need a big event like the Super Bowl to drop a stupid bomb. The occasion can be as innocuous as a trip to Green Bay to face the Packers. Actual question once asked of Bucs coach Tony Dungy before such a trip: “Coach, do you like cheese?” Stupid is as stupid does, right? It's OK, though. Stupid questions will always make great fodder for satirical essays. Oh, we know it’s not easy coming up with brilliant ways to get athletes and coaches to make brilliant comments. Most questions reporters ask are vanilla and lame. In fact, good, reasonable questions often elicit the worst answers. So, today, we celebrate the stupid questions in sports. These questions, in particular, made history.

      1. We begin with one of our personal favorites: the great Allen Iverson .
      [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGDBR2L5kzI] 2. Another all-time great: After a long rant about how bad his team had played in a loss, Colts coach Jim Mora was asked about his prospects for the AFC playoffs. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwq7BYOnDrM] 3. Sometimes there is no question too stupid -- or intelligent -- to draw an interview subject out of his shell. Here is the quintessential pointed answer by a coach who knows how to stay on topic: [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agZKF7U5s8A] 4. Before young Bryce Harper became famous for getting choked in the dugout by a hyper-angry relief pitcher, he was a 19-year-old phenom doing phenomenal things. He once was asked if he would celebrate one of those phenomenal things by drinking a beer. At age 19. He was asked that on camera. In front of a whole bunch of people. Ask a stupid question ... [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dF5NcRvVxk&w=854&h=480] 5. Then, there is the post-game blow-up of all time. Hal McRae, then managing the Royals, always felt bad about this explosion afterward. But he left NO DOUBT about how he felt about stupid questions that day. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kamDqL-AGzI&w=854&h=480] Happy Ask a Stupid Question Day! Remember, there ARE no stupid questions. Only stupid reporters, and hot-headed athletes and coaches who have no patience for stupidity.

      5 Surprise Contenders in College Football

      By Erez Ladetzky, Smack Zone contributor Now is as good a time as any to take an early look at five under-the-radar teams that could influence the college football national championship playoffs:

      1. UCLA – they came into the season ranked No. 13 and now have climbed up to No. 7. The Bruins are coming off back to back victories against BYU and at Arizona. The middle of October will show us if the Bruins are a contender or pretender. They face Stanford and Cal back to back weeks.
      Why they will make it: The Bruins have one of the top defenses in the country and freshman QB Josh Rosen looks like the real deal. Why they won’t make it: You can never fully trust a freshman QB. Also, we don’t know if P. Diddy will get a hold of another kettle ball.
      1. Georgia – the Bulldogs were the heavy preseason favorite to win the SEC East this year, and have not disappointed so far. They currently sit at No. 8 and have a big showdown against Alabama this Saturday. Nick Chubb is a Heisman frontrunner and with a victory against Bama, Georgia could run the table heading into the SEC Championship.
      Why they will make it: Nick Chubb is one of the two top RBs in the country, and he can carry this team to the playoffs. Why they won’t make it: Because it’s Georgia and they always choke when the pressure is at its highest.
      1. Utah – Utah was unranked to start the season, but an opening weekend win against the Michigan Harbaugh’s moved them up to No. 24. Last week, they absolutely destroyed Oregon on the road, 62-20, and have vaulted all the way up to No. 10. They are one of 4 teams to receive a first place vote in the AP poll.
      Why they will make it: Everyone loves a Cinderella story, this will definitely be it. Why they won’t make it: The voters won’t let them in.
      1. Clemson – the Tigers have faced a cupcake schedule so far, and have stayed at their preseason rank of No. 12. They have their first test of the year as they host #6 Notre Dame Saturday night. Clemson’s season always comes down to the showdown with FSU. Could this be the season that Clemson gets over the hump?
      Why they will make it: Dabo Swinney is due. Why they won’t make it: Dabo Swinney actually isn’t due.
      1. Oklahoma – the Sooners sit at No. 15 after a thrilling comeback win at Tennessee a couple weeks ago. Expectations are always high in Norman, even with TCU and Baylor stealing the thunder away from Oklahoma and Texas. Oklahoma faces TCU and Baylor in back to back weeks at the end of the season, that should determine the Big 12 champion.
      Why they will make it:  Bob Stoops. Why they won’t make it: the last 3 weeks of their schedule.